Mongolia 2, Canada 0

So Canada is a Winter Olympics country, but you figured they’d be at least somewhat decent in the Summer Games. After all, it is the World’s second-largest country by total area.

But no, Canada hasn’t had any firsts at the 2008 Olympic Summer Games. Such as, no first place finishes in any event and they are still looking for their first medal overall.

But Togo isn’t and neither is Tajikistan. They are both on the board. As is Mongolia, who won their first ever gold medal when Tuvshinbayar Naidan won in Judo.

Wow, Canada really sucks. And as a country with the “just try your hardest” mentality, nobody seems to care too much about this epic failure. 332 athletes, yet none can produce a single medal.

At least one Canadian athlete is fervently disappointed to lose. Fencer Sherraine Smith said of her round of 16 loss: “It’s like I imagine being a man, it’s like being kicked in the nuts repeatedly, that’s how bad it feels, you feel like you want to curl up and die”. At least one athlete seems to care – now if the committee could adopt this approach, maybe Canada wouldn’t be eating donuts.